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 In love with Tarkan?

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Olya
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PostSubject: Re: In love with Tarkan?   Thu Jan 29, 2009 5:19 pm

mjdiva wrote:
I know... Smile on the drawing ...I got the idea Suspect

then record it and put it on YouTube it will make you famous lol lol!

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TY POSTOY, POSTOY, KRASAVICA MOYA!
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PostSubject: Re: In love with Tarkan?   Thu Jan 29, 2009 5:21 pm

OMG Inge
...I couldn't..NEVER EVER!!! NO WAY!!! HELL NO!!! No No No No
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PostSubject: Re: In love with Tarkan?   Thu Jan 29, 2009 6:18 pm

I think this topic needs to go to the X-rated topic....... tongue

How did this converstaion go from beautiful artwork to peeing on people.......lol

I love this forum
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Olya
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PostSubject: Re: In love with Tarkan?   Thu Jan 29, 2009 11:41 pm

hahahahaha!!!! Oh God!!!! I guess you are right Nikki Smile)))

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stranger
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PostSubject: Re: In love with Tarkan?   Fri Jan 30, 2009 11:59 am

hey everyone!!
it's been a while Very Happy but now that i'm here, i'll talk about my experience!!

i joined Tarkancoll forum and i was hungry to meet other ppl who love Tarkan! coz my friends and everybody i know wasn't really interested!
instead of drawing Tarkan i started to make fotoshop designs on my fav. pics of him.i used to sit and design for hours daily! then i post them on the forum Smile Tarkan was everything i talk about, listen to,think about!

one day Inge started a thread about obsession with stars and i proudly said that i'm obsessed and even possessed by him! she replied and told me it's not healthy and i have a little problem here!

so, i quit designing and now i spend less time in the forum, i even met some one who's a really good friend. he drove my attention away from Tarkan! he actually told me to curse him lol!! of course i couldn't but he did!! Shocked he said he wouldn't know and would help me to change the way i feel!! but i'm alright now and i still love him but in a different way than before ..
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PostSubject: Re: In love with Tarkan?   Fri Jan 30, 2009 12:08 pm

I'm glad for you!!! I really am.. Smile
Hope that someday I will say the same thing...that I'm cured.
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PostSubject: Re: In love with Tarkan?   Fri Jan 30, 2009 12:36 pm

i see myself i ur replies MJDIVA Smile
ur gonna be alright, i'm sure ..
just find some one to talk to, who interests u,that's my advice Smile
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Inge
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PostSubject: Re: In love with Tarkan?   Fri Jan 30, 2009 3:09 pm

Hi Stranger, good to see you here!
I am glad to hear that you feel better now and even that I was able to help you, wow...

Yes we were joking about peeing and stuff, but it's serious.

MJDiva, please know, we're all here to support you and as Olya said, you must make yourself more important!
And Stranger is right too, you need friends to help you through this...maybe Tarkan fans are not the best choice...
Just take care that you distract yourself and give time and attention to other things...Tarkan will soon become less important Smile
It is true!
You can change the way you feel about him...
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kisaiya
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PostSubject: Re: In love with Tarkan?   Fri Jan 30, 2009 3:20 pm

MJDiva - I know it is hard, but you have to work through it. When I tried to stop doing some unhealhty behaviors while in therapy (unattainable or worse, mean men and drugs and alcohol), I had a really hard time. It was indeed an addiction. Basically I was addicted to things that hurt me. I knew I needed help. So I got into therapy. It was good to have someone who was not involved in my life to listen to me and give me straight advice.

What I was told and what ultimately proved the best thing to do is to distract yourself. You need to shut the computer off and go do something else. Dont listen to his music, dont stare at the pictures, dont draw him, etc. Cut it off for a while. Meanwhile, go out of your house. Walk in nature. Exercise. Take a class. Anything. When you stop an addiction they say to change the places, people and playthings that encourage your addiction. It is really true. Get up, get moving and get out of the house. It will take time, but after a little bit, you will realize that you feel better!

We are rooting for you!
Dawn
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Inge
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PostSubject: Re: In love with Tarkan?   Fri Jan 30, 2009 3:26 pm

excellent Dawn, you said it right, thats exactly what she should do. I agree with you 100%.
Fortunately there are many here with personal experiences that are similar.
We've been there....
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PostSubject: Re: In love with Tarkan?   Sat Jan 31, 2009 6:46 am

Oh guys ..thank you so much for your advise! huggs

But you know what?... the more I read what you guys tell me, the more I realise that, I just don't want to let it go. Maybe if I will try to "push him away" I will succeed.
I don't know why...but I don't wanna do that. No I'm afraid pale that if I'll succeed then I'll be unhappy...this is the only thing that makes me happy. Just by thinking of him makes me smile...and it's enough to listen to one of his songs to feel better.

If I'll get rid of this obsession.. my life will be empty Sad What will I do then?He is the one who's fulfilling my life.
Like I've sayd..he is the only thing that makes me happy!
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Inge
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PostSubject: Re: In love with Tarkan?   Sat Jan 31, 2009 6:57 am

Of course you don't want to let it go.That is because it is an addiction.
And of course it makes you happy at times, and at other times, it makes you feel stupid and depressed and hopeless.
But you know what?
If you can find happiness in other things, and you make Tarkan less important, then you will never feel sad and depressed because of tarkan again.
Instead, he will only bring you joy and a smile on your face, because he is not the most important thing in the world anymore. You will love and respect yourself more and become a more round person instead of feeling this emptiness and worthlessness.
Wouldn't you like that?
You don't have to completely let go. Only distract yourself and focus on other stuff. You will get the hang of it.
Admit to yourself that this is an addiction, and if you tell youself that you want to spend 24 hours a day on tarkan because that is the only thing that makes you happy...you are realy telling yourself a lie. You would like to change and you know it....
Just do it!

love, Inge
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Inge
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PostSubject: Re: In love with Tarkan?   Sat Jan 31, 2009 8:07 am

By the way...I have another advice, maybe it will help.
Make drawings of other people. Start with yourself, and make a beautiful self-portrait.
It will make you feel good about yourself.
Then make a portrait of your sister. She will be so happy when you give it!
If you make portraits of your friends and family, they will feel appreciated and you will realise how much you love them. It will change your perspective on your life and show you who is really important for you....
You can develop your drawing skills and not feed your Tarkan obsession...

love, Inge
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PostSubject: Re: In love with Tarkan?   Sat Jan 31, 2009 8:12 am

I know it's wrong...and I also know that I"m obsessed.... I've sayd it before. I admit it!
I have a problem.

Let's take an example. I can't have a boyfriend ...because I'll end up comparing him with Tark'. If I am with someone, I can't see that persons qualitys..I only see the defects.
And I start thinking that he is perfect, (Tarkan) that he is such an amazing human being. I look at him and I tell myself that I want somebody who's as beautiful as he is...I want someone who's as kind, funny, lovely and sweet as he is. And unfortunately, I can't find a person like that.

So..I belive that I'm gonna be solo for the rest of my life. I feel pity for myself Sad


Last edited by mjdiva on Sun Feb 01, 2009 8:08 am; edited 1 time in total
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PostSubject: Re: In love with Tarkan?   Sat Jan 31, 2009 8:16 am

Inge wrote:
By the way...I have another advice, maybe it will help.
Make drawings of other people. Start with yourself, and make a beautiful self-portrait.
It will make you feel good about yourself.
Then make a portrait of your sister.



...Cristina...my twin sister


I've done that...It's not working Sad
No matter what I do I'll end up "with him" again and again and again.


Last edited by mjdiva on Sat Feb 07, 2009 4:45 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Inge
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PostSubject: Re: In love with Tarkan?   Sun Feb 01, 2009 2:20 am

Okay....so what is blocking you is two things:
1. You don't believe you can change so you won't try it
2. You believe that this is making you happy so you won't try to quit

I think both thoughts are wrong.
For me it took three years. Then, I was able to change. The change came not first with a change of feelings but a change of behaviour.
As long as you keep DOING these things you will keep FEELING this way.
But slowly change what you DO, and then after that what you FEEL will also change.

For me, after Tarkan, I fell in love with another guy. He was new on my choir and to my surprise I was attracted to him. He sang beautifully, had great looks and was enormously intelligent, and funny.
As I told him that I was falling in love with him, he told me he was gay.

It took me two more years to stop being in love with him. The fact that he was unreachable made him more attractive.
I needed therapy to change this pattern but in the end, I could.

You have heard here from all sorts of people that they were in your situation and suffered a heavy obsession. They all were able to change when they changed their behaviour, through hard work and therapy.
Why would you be different?

Your drawing of your sister is not half as good asd the drawings of Tarkan. You need more practice to draw her, I believe. And to draw yourself.
Dont give up. This is not gonna be over in a few weeks I promise you that.
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PostSubject: Re: In love with Tarkan?   Sun Feb 01, 2009 7:19 am

You are so right Inge!!

It does take time and hard work. In the twelve step groups they encourage you to think and live one day at a time. If you think about (and obsess about) how your life will be empty if you rid yourself of your addiction, of course you wont even try! So take it one day at a time.

I agree with Inge, you should work on more portraits of other people. Think about how you can improve that picture. Or start a new one and see if you can find one element that you really want to get better. Focus on that, starting for an hour.

Also, I think that you should remember that no one, even Tarkan is perfect. All human beings are flawed in some way. If you expect perfection from yourself or your mate or your friends or family, you will be disappointed. Think instead about the things that you appreciate and value. Do you appreciate Tarkan's ecological views, his singing, looks, etc? Then look for a local group that does volunteer work to help the environment. Join a choir. Take an art class. Those kinds of things, that will get you involved in a community that enjoyes the same things that you like about Tarkan.

Also, please think about getting some therapy. It is a whole lot easier to go on a journey into yourself with someone trained leading the way. I would have never been able to kick my addictions without help.

Hugs
Dawn
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PostSubject: Re: In love with Tarkan?   Sun Feb 01, 2009 7:49 am

We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.
Sam Keen


Ajahn Sumedho, in 'Teachings of a Buddhist Monk':
"Desire can be compared to fire. If we grasp fire, what happens? Does it lead to happiness?
If we say: "Oh, look at that beautiful fire! Look at the beautiful colors! I love red and orange; they're my favorite colors," and then grasp it, we would find a certain amount of suffering entering the body. And then if we were to contemplate the cause of that suffering we would discover it was the result of having grasped that fire. On that information, we would hopefully, then let the fire go. Once we let fire go then we know that it is something not to be attached to. This does not mean we have to hate it, or put it out. We can enjoy fire, can't we? It's nice having a fire, it keeps the room warm, but we do not have to burn ourselves in it."

Although gold dust is precious, when it gets in your eyes, it obstructs your vision.
Hsi-Tang
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Inge
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PostSubject: Re: In love with Tarkan?   Sun Feb 01, 2009 2:33 pm

Oh, those quotes are very nice, Dawn!

Yes it is true that Tarkan can help you see what is important for you.
Being in love with Tarkan helped me understand what I want in relationships.
Before I fell for Tarkan, I was in a 5 year relationship with a man that did not really fit my character. We were attracted to each other and we both valued a steady relationship, but we had little in common. This made us both feel frustrated and we started to dislike each other over the years, and we had many fights, about politics and our future plans.
In Tarkan, I thought I saw the perfect man: I liked his modern, liberal views, his pacifism (he tried to escape military service), and his love of animals and nature. His passion for music and his more intellectual outlook on life. (compared to my exboyfriend)
Through Tarkan, I was better able to understand what I find valueable in my friends and in my partner.
Also, through Tarkan, I understood better, what I DON"t want:
I dont want to be in love with someone I can never have sex with, and with someone who is unreachable, or who is so loved by millions that he takes me for granted and does not appreciate me. Who receives and oil portrait and does not go WOOOOWWWWWW an oil portrait??? But instead just says, thank you, and then, forgets my birthday and never responds to my letters. I deserve better than that. Much better. I dont care if that guy is the sexiest man on the planet. He should not treat me like that. And if he does, I should stop loving him and find someone better.

When you stop the obsession and addiction., it does not mean you must forget Tarkan. He will always be part of your life. The lessons you learned from this period in your life , you can take with you to the next stage.

Just learn whatever you have to learn from this, and move on, help yourself out of this sad unhappy situation. Or else, you will start hating Tarkan, and he did nothing to deserve that.

love, Inge
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PostSubject: Re: In love with Tarkan?   Sun Feb 01, 2009 2:44 pm

Inge wrote:
..help yourself out of this sad unhappy situation. Or else, you will start hating Tarkan, and he did nothing to deserve that.
Belive me...no matter what is gonna happen' I will NEVER feel hate for him. No way. Like you've sayd...he hasn't done nothing wrong...he doesn't desirve this.
I'm the wone who's "taking this thing" too far...the poor guy has nothing to do with it Smile

Maybe I don't need to force myself to let it go...(or let it a little bit slower). Maybe this obsession will go away just like it came...you know. It can't last forever...
...right? Sad
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PostSubject: Re: In love with Tarkan?   Sun Feb 01, 2009 3:12 pm

If you don't change your behaviour...if you are filling all day with watching Tarkan and listening his songs, drawing his pictures...and tell yourself that he is wonderful and perfect...and that only he can make you happy.. if you tell yourself that you need him in your life and can't live without him....then you are feeding your obsession and it will stay with you for many more years. Tarkan will continue to make you happy and also unhappy, and you will feel miserable about yourself.
It can only go away if you change what you are doing right now. You are in a bad behaviour pattern, which turned into an addiction.
What do you think...if an alcoholic person continues to drink 5 glasses a day, will he suddenly say: I don't really like wine?
Will someone who is a smoking addict, one day think that cigarettes don't taste so nice anymore?

You are telling yourself that Tarkan is the perfect man and that he can only make you happy, and you don't want anything else but him.
And as long as you tell yourself this lie, you will believe in it and be obsessed with him until you are old and grey.

If you want it to go away then change your behaviour, spend time on other things.
It is the only thing that works.
Believe me, I have experience with these things....

love, Inge
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PostSubject: Re: In love with Tarkan?   Sun Feb 01, 2009 9:00 pm

mjdiva wrote:

Maybe I don't need to force myself to let it go...(or let it a little bit slower). Maybe this obsession will go away just like it came...you know. It can't last forever...
...right? Sad

the fire won't burn, only light; the heat won't smother, only warm. just like it came, it will go. the desire and lust will fade and the respect and admiration will remain. give it time.
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PostSubject: Re: In love with Tarkan?   Sun Feb 01, 2009 10:04 pm

alright, here goes..you may be mad, you may hate me but whatever.. i think we all know the obvious here.
i am bi sexual, all my friends tend to be gay or bi sexual. i am a big fag hag, as we say in the states, in that i hang out with gay men alot. i like to think i can spot gay from a distance.
t, adorable, sexy, charming, funny..almost perfect..is gay. i'm almost 95% sure. i don't care, i will defend him to the last but you have to realize being obsessed with him is dumb for many reason. him being gay being one of those reasons. don't get me wrong, i admire and respect the hell out of him but when i first found him i thought, as i'm sure many of you did.. i'm going to f*ck him. oh boy, did the thought cross my mind.. horny however, knowing gay men the way i do, his mannerisms, speech pattern and overall bearing told me i had no chance. so..doesn't really matter actually, i am not in any shortage of turks here at home. so our beautiful prince is off limits? so what? he is beautiful to look at, to listen to..as you all know. i am old enough to know the difference between love and lust and i lusted for quite a bit. his music, his voice; these things are what matter. for instance, george michael, gay as anything..love his music with all my heart. love him with all my black heart and don't care who knows it. i thank the gods everyday for tarkan's voice. it is a gift that i am grateful to have recieved. when he comes out..if he comes out, everyone will be happier i think. in the meantime, it doesn't matter who he choose to love, to f*ck..respect him, admire him, thank him for his gift but don't obsess over what can never be...
sorry this is so long.. Smile
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PostSubject: Re: In love with Tarkan?   Mon Feb 02, 2009 1:56 am

Hi Nia,

I respect your opinion that he is gay, but I disagree with you.
It is not possible to see if someone is gay. This has been tested many times. Some gays do their best to look gay and you can recognise them. But as for the rest, no.

Tarkan has said many times that his image is androgenic and he wants to be mysterious about his sexual preference. He wants to be on stage and be loved by men and women. Meanwhile, we all have seen that he has been in long term relationships with women. I have met these women and saw Tarkan in person many times. He does not strike me as gay at those meetings, and even my best friend who came with me, and who is gay himself said to me, that when he met Tarkan and talked with him, his gaydar did absolutely nothing. He claims to be able to recognise gay men and he always insisted, before meeting Tarkan, that he thought Tarkan was gay. But he came back on his opinion after meeting Tarkan in person. Another gay friend of mine says he is not sure if Tarkan is gay.

On pictures and on stage Tarkan can be metrosexual and androgenic but I believe this is only part of his image. It is well possible that he has (had) relationships with men too, and it's possible that he is bisexual. but I believe that his relationships with women are real.
I don't think they are a publicity stunt or a cover up. You have seen him with Bilge, did that seem like a trick to you?

Personally, I think it is an interesting subject to discuss. I agree with you that it's possible he is gay and if he would come out, I would be waving pink flowers at him and cheer for him. I think it's also interesting that so many of his female fans are bisexual.
I am also bisexual. Why don't you think that he is, too, I wonder, Nia? Why gay?

But this issue has NOTHING to do with the question if fans should be obsessed about Tarkan.
Obsessions are always unhealthy.
If male fans are obsessed like this, would you say, go ahead because you have a chance that he will like you?
If you would think Tarkan is straight, would you say, go ahead girls, spend 24 hours a day on Tarkan because one day he can be yours?

It's stupid. If people get depressed over a person they cannot have because he is famous and far away, they should stop feeding those emotions. No matter if that person is gay, straight, bisexual. He is unreachable anyway and these feelings can make you lose your mind. It's unhealthy and it should stop.

love, Inge
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PostSubject: Re: In love with Tarkan?   Mon Feb 02, 2009 6:08 am

Nia wrote:
mjdiva wrote:

Maybe I don't need to force myself to let it go...(or let it a little bit slower). Maybe this obsession will go away just like it came...you know. It can't last forever...
...right? Sad

the fire won't burn, only light; the heat won't smother, only warm. just like it came, it will go. the desire and lust will fade and the respect and admiration will remain. give it time.


Oh for me, the lust can still come and go, but it is me who is in control of it.
It does not come without limits and I can shut it off just like that. It feels good to be able to turn it on and off. I do the same with my belief in God.

So yes, I can still look at Tarkan and get totally turned on. During a show, I will do that, because it increases the pleasure I get from a concert. He is performing and presenting himself like that, so I dive into that world and enjoy his flirts with the audience, and with me. At some shows we do have eye contact and so I know he sees me, and he knows I am watching him and probably he sees that he can still turn me on.

But in real life, there is no way I would ever have sex with him, and I don't want to have sex with him either. I don't ever want to leave my husband.
Thinking about having sex with Tarkan, or looking at him and drooling over his looks, yes I do it occasionally just for the simple boost. I mean it's a guaranteed success, this idea. But I am in control and I can turn it off with the snap of a finger.

By the way this is just a habit of mine, I have many friends in my friends circle to whom I am sexually attracted. So just to keep my mind occupied I think of sex with all of my friends every now and then, we have loads of sexual tension in our gay/bisexual/straight mixed friends cicle and that just adds to the fun. We all know all our relationships are stable, so no mess will come out of our flirting with each other.

love, Inge
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